371

Well, you pick your battles, and the bedtime conflict was bound to come to a head. She had been better and wouldn't struggle and tear around like a wild child, requiring me to hold her tight (tight enough so she couldn't hit me or bite me, etc.). She had gotten so she would just sit in my lap and constantly shift positions. Wednesday night she gestured toward the bed, asking to just sleep there. No problem, but then she would get out and ask to sit in my lap. After a few repetitions of this routine, I decided I was ready to die on this hill. I went with the supernanny stay-in-bed technique, which involves putting the child back in bed as much as necessary, not talking or looking at the child (standing like a statue in between times). It was a great game for her, and when she figured out what I was doing she had a great time, trying with each dash from the bed to reach the items on the nightstand, or in the roll-away drawer under her crib/toddler bed, etc. She succeeded sometimes and I had to remove the items from her little claws, which really had her giggling. She was fully into it, saying "Spa-see-bah" ("thank you" in Russian) when I plopped her back into bed one time, "good job!" the next. She is 27 pounds of personality and will-power, I tell you. I didn't react but kept getting a hold of her and putting her into bed. I was counting the number of times I returned her to her bed, and I figured we would go past 100 no problem but thought maybe she'd give up before 200. Well, the final count was...371! Unbelievable. I don't remember when she turned on the water works. Around 341 I thought we were done, and she was sobbing and crying in Russian. Part of me wondered if this was worth the potential emotional trauma, but the other part of me was skeptical as to whether she was just trying to get her way. I was really tempted to give in, considering my attachment worries, listening to her pleas for water, or pleas for mama, but I just kept telling myself that it was all for naught if I gave it up in the middle of the battle, and it would just reinforce that crying would let her have her way. I had to win this one in order to make progress on the bedtime problem. It was pretty tough on Mom, and on her too. I checked the clock and the whole ordeal only took an hour! Seemed like much longer...

I was worried how naptime would go today. I made sure she had water and went potty before I put her down. We read a book, I told her I loved her, kissed her and covered her up. That lasted about 10 seconds and she started getting out of bed some, but her heart wasn't in it and the count was only 12! Twenty-five minutes later she was asleep. Unfortunately she woke up 45 minutes later. I thought she would go right back to sleep, but didn't allow enough time before trying to leave her room, and the technique didn't work as she wasn't tired enough. She just worked herself up good and I stopped it. Maybe I shouldn't have but I decided it was worth the step back, since it was naptime and there was no way she would go back to sleep.

Tonight might have been a bit better if the naptime problem hadn't happened, but it wasn't too bad at all. Only 50 returns-to-bed, and 30 minutes for her to fall asleep. It was kind of funny, too. I made sure she had a good drink of water and went potty, we read a book, and I tried to make it really clear that there were no more potty trips, no more water, but that she needed to go to sleep. I love her very much but she needs to go to sleep and I was going to keep her in bed. She totally agreed and just gestured to the bed, as if to say, "I'm tired, just let me go to bed already." Again, that lasted 10 seconds and then she was in the game, trying to grab things and laughing. She grabbed a picture off the wall above her bed, so I also removed the small shelf with three Russian dolls (getting there just ahead of her grabby little hands). The game portion took about 5-10 minutes and then she switched tactics to crying. It was so abrupt it was totally transparent. She started crying for water and once she said she had to go #2, but I figured that was total manipulation and if not, well, we'd both deal with it. She'd stop crying and talk to herself a little, then start again. She'd cry and dangle her legs over the edge, and when I didn't react to that she tried getting out of bed with her hands on the floor, etc. It was much easier tonight as I could tell she was just trying to get her way.

Progress!

On Monday, we visited Galina, the gal from work who speaks Russian. It was a fun visit but didn't really garner much information from Amanda. She said she remembered her Russian mother, but called her Mama Nastia. This is not the name of her bio mother and is probably a caretaker at the orphanage. She said she didn't have any children who were friends, just Mama Nastia and a doll (interesting). She did say she wasn't hungry or scared at the orphanage. Galina and her daughter (a senior in high school who also speaks Russian) got a kick out of her, saying that she is very funny. I had Galina ask Amanda if she is scared to sleep or why she makes such a fuss at bedtime. She told her, no, when it's time to sleep, I just go to bed. Yeah, right! So, even the information she did give was somewhat suspect! I also asked Galina to ask her about her name, and she said she understands, that in the orphanage she was Leila but now she is Amanda. That was nice to hear, although of course I'm not surprised that she still calls herself Leila. She does respond very well to "Amanda" so I don't think the transition will be a problem. Galina was very nice and gracious, giving Amanda a book of bedtime stories and also some Russian treats (one to eat there, and one to take home for later). She told me the treats came from the gas station by my house, as they sell some Russian items (the owner is Russian? something like that). I need to go over and buy some of the treats, and see what they have. Very interesting that the one place in Omaha to go for a few Russian food items is right by my house!

One loose end: My sister Patty mentioned that I didn't explain anything about the fact that she had a black eye in Moscow. I was surprised I had left that out of the orphanage visit. They said that she slipped and fell against a handle (I think they actually said lever?) in the bathroom. I know I mentioned in Moscow that she seemed kind of klutzy, and she seemed that way at first at home, too, but it seems like she hasn't had many klutzy moments lately. Maybe it's part of settling in.

It's really interesting to watch her play. We had played with some play-doh, but she noticed a different set that I hadn't opened yet, and she asked to play with those. The containers were different, with attached lids that she could open and close, so she got all the play-doh out of the 6 jars, closed the lids, then opened the lids and put the play-doh back. I think she did that a few times, and then after supper she wanted to play with them again and did the exact same thing. The play-doh is still in perfectly formed shapes as she hasn't done anything with it except take it out and put it back in.

She has enjoyed painting with watercolors, although most of her fun there is making the water turn colors and mixing the colors, although she has made some strokes on paper and I've put the papers up on the wall. I asked her which way is up, but each way I turn the paper she just says "Dah!" ("yes").

She also is very attached to chairs and stools and is constantly moving them around. The first day, she brought a footstool from the spare room into her room. I said no, she had her own stool and didn't need another one. (I didn't know the depth of her addiction at that time.) A bit later she went down to the kitchen. Since she was reluctant to be away from me I thought she would return shortly. I heard some noises and decided to investigate what she was doing, and I found her at the bottom of the steps with a kitchen chair, having dragged it from the kitchen and apparently determined to take it upstairs (only 5 steps, but still...). So I said, no, ok, you can have the footstool! I found another plastic stool that came from Menards and that and her little wooden stool are constantly on the move, being taken to the bathroom then to the kitchen or living room, back to the spare room or her room - you get the picture. There are many more steps to the basement, and I made it off limits to take the stools downstairs. With the chairs from Cindy & Keith, and also two little chairs Mom & Dad brought, she has plenty of choices there.

We have some wonderful additions to the basement playroom. Karen, a friend from a former church, had some items that her girls had outgrown that she offered to us. Some clothes that Amanda won't fit for awhile, some books, a doll, a game, a puppy/veterinarian set, and a wonderful kitchen/store playset (!) with a little grocery cart, play food, kitchen utensils, dishes and silverware. With the dishes from Aunt Cindy and all this new stuff, her kitchen is stocked! She was so excited when I brought the kitchen/store upright in and has played with every night since, and also put her dolls in the cart and pushes it back and forth (while walking in dress-up shoes). The kitchen/store set is just light enough that she can drag it around, so she puts it where she wants it and then arranges the chairs around her. She is always surrounded by her chairs!

Funny kid. =)