Woe is me

I had a really sad day Tuesday. Maybe frustrating would be a better word. It started Monday night. I've been working on replacing the caulking around the bathtub (not a fun task) as it has a mildew problem. While working on that, I decided to replace the caulking around the toilet and discovered that the toilet has been leaking, a problem that I had two years ago. (And I don't mean leaking from the water line or anything - I mean leaking from the not-so-great end of the process.) Just last year, I finally got someone to help me by patching the hole in my garage ceiling (under the bathroom), and when I checked last night, I could see that the problem had spread there, too, so I'm going to have to cut that all out again and replace the ceiling drywall (when the toilet is fixed) and try to get it patched up again. *sigh* I've been meaning to get new flooring in the bathroom, so I will hopefully get it all addressed at once. Anyway, that put me in a very bummed mood, plus some frustations with Amanda earlier in the evening.

Tuesday morning, we were doing fine. Amanda was brushing her teeth, but only for about 5 seconds and then she said she was done. I told her no, she didn't brush very long at all and needed to brush a little bit longer, and then I went into my bedroom to get something. Our routine is for her to brush her teeth for awhile and then I do a once over and she rinses and we're done. Sometimes I make her brush longer, sometimes I feel like she's done a good job. And she knows this. We do it every day, twice a day. I came back to the bathroom to find her just standing there crying. Crying, crying, crying. Why? "I want you to brush them, wah, wah, wah." Have I mentioned how irritating this "fake" or "no good reason" crying is? Every time I turn around or look at her the wrong way, she's crying. IT'S SO IRRITATING!!!!!!!!

Last Friday afternoon, we were both happily singing songs, driving to Lincoln to go to Aunt Cindy's house. She asked where we were going, were we going to school (no, you just got out of school, we're going to see Aunt Cindy & Uncle Keith). More singing and then I noticed she was crying. I asked what was wrong and she finally said, "I want to go to school!" Which I interpreted: I'm crying and sobbing because I want to be ridiculous and get Mom's attention so she can see how sad I am and feel sorry for me for...no reason. I'm all for crying when there's a reason, but this other just makes me angry. Maybe I should use the traditional parental mantra: Do you want me to give you something to cry about???

So then Tuesday morning, we get to the daycare and Miss Nancy greets me with, "We're having a problem with Amanda staying in her seat mornings at breakfast. As soon as you leave, she goes around to all the tables and bosses the other kids around." I just looked at her and said that I have my hands full trying to deal with her when she's with me, I can't do much to make her behave when I'm not there. They should have processes to deal with a child's negative behavior. "Do you have any ideas?" How about a naughty chair, a chair in the corner out here, or in the kitchen....? "The naughty chair doesn't seem to faze her." I don't know. You're the teacher with years of experience - you don't have methods to deal with these kinds of things? If you leave me a note that she's been naughty, I can carry through some reinforcement at home, but I only hear about it in the mornings, and I can't do anything about it then. "I usually tell Miss Boidee." Well, I don't see her every day. I pick up Amanda after Miss Boidee has gone home, so I only have Amanda's version of how her day was. "Oh. Ok, I'll leave you a note. Because she bothers the other kids, and Samantha's mom is really not happy about it."

Not a 100% verbatim replay of the conversation, but pretty close. I thought about it all morning and it just made me mad that my kid is doing something that bothers other kids and makes parents upset and they can't handle the behavior and redirect? It shouldn't reach the point of other kids complaining to their parents. If Amanda acts badly when she's with me, it's my responsibility. She's a child, and she's learning. It's my job to see that she knows the right way to behave. I'm really unhappy to think that other kids are not liking her and their parents are hearing about it. It should have been nipped in the bud as soon as it became a problem. Samantha's mom is the only parent I've met (at another child's birthday party) and I was always happy to say hi when I see her. Now I'm going to wonder what she's thinking, and feeling like I should apologize for my child. I work with the grandmother of Mason, a boy in Amanda's class, so later in the morning, I stopped by her desk and asked her if Mason ever says anything about Amanda. I started tearing up just asking her. She said yes, and I braced myself, and then she said that Mason has been saying that he wants to have a play date with Amanda. Well, blow me down, that's a POSITIVE thing. That made me cry more, I think. I finally had to excuse myself, saying that I was having a moment, and telling her that I'd be thrilled for Amanda to get together to play with Mason. *sniff, sniff* I was a mess the rest of the morning - I got a couple of e-mails that irritated me and I'd just start tearing up again. I know, sort of what I'm complaining about regarding Amanda, but at least I have the hormones and reasons to explain my crying! (Not enough sleep might also have been a factor.) I regained my equilibrium after lunch.

I asked my coworker if we could switch 5-yr-old girls for a day or two (so I could get some perspective - just joking, of course), but after he described some mornings with his Allison, I said I guessed I'd stick with Amanda! Allison sounds like quite the drama princess. Roger & his wife have decided she's more work than their other three older children combined were. He said some mornings go perfectly smoothly but then other mornings, she'll decide she wants ice cream for breakfast and has a fit when the only options offered are regular breakfast foods. Then she'll refuse to brush her teeth, or get her shoes on, or whatever, and they're fighting with her all the way out the door. They take her to school and after she gets out of the car, she runs over to the crossing guard lady, arms open wide, crying her heart out, saying who knows what about her terrible parents. One morning she wouldn't eat any of the offered breakfast choices, but when she got to school she said that her parents didn't give her any food and she was so hungry. The school nurse called Roger and asked if it was ok to give her something to eat. Maybe God gave me Roger as a coworker so I could have some reassurance!

Ms. Nancy left a note in Amanda's cubby that said that she was very good on Tuesday, so that was good news. Wednesday was another good day, and today (Thursday) was good at school but she was a bit naughty at home, so I just said, "Uh oh" a lot and sadly took away some privileges. She was totally aware when she was naughty, especially when I'd ask her not to do something, and she'd do it again and then look at me.

I've really been enjoying my days off. Today, I got some fall cleanup done outside. I have huge maple trees, and they always seem to take forever to drop their leaves! So no raking leaves yet, but I trimmed a shrub and picked up some branches. Inside the house, I found my paper towel holder for the kitchen and got it mounted under a kitchen cabinet (it was in the garage, Lynnette! I found it with a bunch of stuff I moved from the basement when we were painting and fixing that up). Then I worked on removing the bathroom flooring while I waited for the guy to come and measure for new flooring. I got the vinyl tiles all removed, the guy completed the measuring, and then I went to the flooring store and picked up some samples. I realized I could go whole hog and hire someone to make my blue tub white (the first "remodel" of this bathroom was a year or so after I bought the house (1992), and that got rid of the blue toilet and the hideous cabinet w/the blue sink, so the blue tub was the last hold out of the old). I also want to remove the ceramic tiles which go halfway up the walls in the non-shower part of the room, but we'll see what the estimates are. I have two different bathroom remodel places coming to give me estimates next Thursday. It's turned into a bit of an exciting adventure! The main bummer is losing the use of that toilet. I pulled the toilet last night (got to love the plumber lingo - "pulled the toilet"). I consulted with my expert fix-it guy, Keith, and found it wasn't too big of a deal at all. So, no toilet for awhile, and if I go with replacing the tiles, it might mean removing the drywall, which means we'll lose the sink and cabinet, too. I hope I can get this all done by Thanksgiving!!! Otherwise I may not host!

Sidebar: I love the stupid questions/statements I've encountered. Like from the flooring rep and the measuring guy, "Now, you'll want to make sure the problem with the toilet is fixed, right? Otherwise it won't do you much good to replace the floor." (Really?!?) And just the flooring rep (on the phone), "Yes, our guys can replace the bad part of the floor. Now, understand that will be an extra charge." (Darn, where did that coupon go for the free subfloor replacement when new floor covering is ordered?!) I just answered politely, but in my head I heard Bill Engvahl saying, "Here's your sign."

Amanda was a bit agitated about the toilet being off-limits, then removed. She kept asking, "Why it not working, Mom? Why you not get it fixed?" while gesturing with her hands. Hmm, I wonder if her sentences should be more properly structured at this point in her development? Maybe they would be by now if she'd learned English from birth? She has a lot of trouble with pronouns, too. Uncle Keith going in the other room: "Where her going?" Or a boy at school: "Her got in trouble" I can't remember if she calls girls 'he'.

I have lots to blog from the last two fun weekends, so expect the next blog to be a minor flashback.